What do I do with my Privilege?

I typed “What do I do with my privilege” in my search engine and came upon this blog entry. It speaks to me completely, so I thank-the author for her naming this problem. Thank-you. Sincerely. Like the author, I am also a woman of color (two target identities). I have an elite education, an affluent family, high income, and good health. I have purposefully sought a life of service to “pay it forward” as the blogger suggests as a solution to having privilege. And while I cling to the hope that it is enough, I still seem to stumble. There’s more internal work that is needed. In my professional environment, there are colleagues who did not have the same privileges as myself. Their journey to get to where they are (where we function as equals) was full of struggles I never knew or imagined. So my water cooler conversations have lacked the awareness of the pain that they have endured. And, in my ignorance, I’ve long wondered why they think I am snobby. In my mind, I am just being me, sharing what wonderful things I did the previous weekend, or my hopes for my very bright future. This is a conundrum that has perplexed me for many years. A dear friend, a white male, recently said to me (in reference to this dilemma), “Welcome to what it’s like being white.” What he meant was, “wake up, Girl, you have privilege. You didn’t earn it. It was only because you were born into an oppressive system and you got a winning lottery ticket. Just like all white people.” So when I am blithely going on and on about my good life, I can be a reminder and a symbol to those less privileged about the unfairness of the system that deals out life’s rewards and punishments. What’s a person to do? I can isolate myself and only share with those who would “get me”… those with the same privileges as me. Immediately I’m repulsed by the elitism that such an option suggests. I could respond with sympathy, but that hints at pitying which reeks as an even worse form of elitism and superiority. Aware of the impact, I could simply withhold sharing about my prosperities and good fortunes. Even this still creates a power differential and maintains distance between us. Coming to this realization brings on deep sadness, just as the author of the blog has written about her experience. And like her I’m stuck asking the same question over and over again: “So, what do I do with my privilege?” Her answer resonates: I can no longer be naively me, no matter what wonderful things I’ve experienced or gifts that have come my way. Not until the playing field becomes more even. Which also means I have to learn to accept the loneliness that my privilege brings as the pale price I must pay to gain solidarity with others. I say “pale” in comparison to the price exacted from true oppression. So paying it forward is vitally important and urgently needed in order to work toward eliminating inequities in all systems of oppression. I’m still unclear what to do at the watercooler other than remind myself of the responsibilities that come with having privilege and hold back my tears.